Quick Look: Tapper Pro

 

Tapper Pro is a game for iOS. You bounce a variety of balls in an attempt to keep them aloft. It doesn’t do that very well.

I could end my review here, but I’m going to elaborate as much as I possibly can.

Prepare to press the Home button in about 30 seconds.

Gameplay

Tapper Pro, created by developer Weeny Brain’s Game, is…well, I’ll let the developers describe it via their App Store product description:


[Tapper Pro] Is a relaxing yet competitive game that makes you coming back for more. Just tap on the ball and make the impossible happens.

Making the impossible happens is something I never quite did with Tapper Pro.Unless the “impossible” in this case is the wonky physics engine, then yes, the impossible is happensing all over the place. When you tap on the ball (only taps – swipes and flicks don’t seem to affect gameplay in the least) your ball goes flying at a disproportionate speed, firing wildly up. The upper play boundary is about an inch and a half off the top of the screen, making balls disappear into the void for a few moments. This makes trying to judge when and how fast a ball will return requires a level of Jedi senses that I simply don’t have a midichlorian count high enough to attempt. Generally a ball that gets fired up off screen will come back down taking its sweet time, at a pace I can only describe as a “mosey.”

I’ll let the developers continue:

The goal of the game is just simply gain as much points as you can while keeping the ball up in the air. It gets harder and harder as the game progress. Is easy to play but hard to master type of game.

They’re right, that is in fact the goal. And you earn one thousand points per successful “tap.” (Side note: Why do games insist on making points systems count “1000, 2000, 3000…” versus  “1, 2, 3…”? Has the points exchange rate dipped since back in the day?). And Tapper Pro is also a “hard to master type of game”, especially if you think what the app description says is all that happens in the game. After eight wild prods at your iOS device’s screen another ball appears. I think this is the “impossiblehappens” they were talking about. Two moons? Now there are three moons? Impossible.

 

Total pandemoonium! I'm here all night, folks.

The three different difficulties aren’t exactly varied. I can’t seem to tell any difference between “easy” and “normal” modes, while the only “extreme” mode involved the bouncing eye. This eye moves so fast and is so much smaller that it isn’t even remotely playable. I let my wife have a go at it (she’s usually pretty good at tapping/rhythm games) and she managed to make a second eye appear before nearly pitching my phone through the front door.

Clear Eyes drops, for dry, itchy eyes.

Graphics and sound

Tapper Pro looks and feels like the simple Flash games I’d play in the computer lab in grade nine. There are five playable spheres to usher around the screen from sports balls, to the moon, to an awfully red eye. Each ball is a perfect circle which is unaffected by the MS Paint quality environments. I hoped, for example, that on the basketball court “level” I’d have a chance to toss the ball at the net, or even get points for a swish. No dice. The backgrounds are static and lifeless.

Maybe actual basketball would be more exciting like this.

The sound effects are…well, there are sound effects. The three sports balls sound like reasonably passable imitations of their real-world counterparts. The eyeball makes a weird “bink,” like a tiny spring. It also makes an vile squishing noise when it hits the ground – which happens a lot. Lastly, the moon, when tapped, sounds like a gunshot from Wolfenstein 3D. Fair enough though,

who am I to say what the moon sounds like when poked? Maybe it does sound like a digitized Luger.

Shoot the moon!

Also, you can’t listen to the iPod while playing Tapper Pro, which is an entirely silent venture beyond the various gunshots, squishes and thuds. I guess having your own music playing may ruin the ambience and immersion into the world of Tapper Pro.

I know I’m slagging on a product created by a few people in their spare time. The thing is, this game costs money. I can’t in good conscience recommend Tapper Pro to anyone. There are far better free games in the App Store that have more features than the $1 Tapper Pro. Usually “Pro” indicates that there’s a free version of the title available in the App Store, but I can’t seem to find one. This game has all the excitement of trying to put gumballs back into the machine and is probably less fun.

Tapper Pro
Pros

  • Colourful, simple graphics
  • Facebook integration
  • I learned what the moon sounds like

Cons

  • Insane physics engine
  • Static environments
  • The sound the eye makes freaks me out

Rating 1/5

Final Verdict: Not Recommended

Tapper Pro on the App Store

Developers webpage


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